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Asshole.

This post is probably going to be written completely out of anger, but as of right now (obviously,) I don’t really give a fuck. Dear dad, I fucking HATE YOU! Wow, seriously tho SIXTEEN YEARS AND YOU STILL DON’T FAIL AT PISSING ME THE FUCK OFF. You treat me like I’m fucking five years old still. I AM SIXTEEN. I AM GROWING UP. I cook for myself, I maintain my own room, I do my own fucking laundry, I clean up after myself, I EVEN CLEAN UP AFTER YOU AND ANTHONY AND MOM. I do you guys favors all the fucking time and I NEVER HEAR A THANK YOU. Whereas w/ you, YOU DON’T DO SHIT FOR ME. Yea, okay, you give me money when I go out, but do I ever ask? No, your money is no fucking good to me. MONEY DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING. YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME A FUCKING HARD ASS TIME AND THEN YOU TRY TO MAKE IT UP BY SLIPPING ME A BILL? PLEASE, SAVE IT. I DON’T NEED IT NOR WANT IT. YOU NEVER LET ME DO ANYTHING. YOU ALWAYS BLOW UP MY PHONE ASKING WHO I’M W/, WHERE I AM, EVERY WHAT, HOUR? You let Anthony do whatever the FUCK he pleases when he doesn’t do SHIT. Yet you make ME stay home and clean the fucking house, you ask ME for this and that, you tell ME to do shit that I already do on MY OWN. But him? NOTHING. Tell me how that’s fair? YOUR ARGUMENTS NEVER EVEN MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE. It’s like once you make an opinion, you stick w/ it and don’t pay any fucking attention to the FACTS, to what’s TRUE. And whenever I or mom make a point, YOU GET ASSHURT AND SHUT US OUT BECAUSE YOU KNOW WE’RE RIGHT. Then you start bitching at ME about how I don’t listen?! REALLY? YOU’RE SO FUCKING STUPID AND STUBBORN. And you ALWAYS start w/ this shit about how life was soooooo much easier and simpler for you in Vietnam and how you want to go back. WELL DO THIS WHOLE FAMILY A FUCKING FAVOR AND FLY YOUR ASS BACK THERE THEN, WE DON’T FUCKING WANT YOU HERE ANYWAYS! If only you knew how much SHIT mom tells me about you. About how you mistreat her and never even let her go anywhere. I remember when she was happy, when she had friends, when she was able to have a good time and come home w/ a smile on her face. But instead you tie her down and make her stay at home just like me. She works all DAY AND NIGHT and makes more money a week than you do in a MONTH! Tell me ONE MORE TIME how I’M fucking my life up. Tell me again how I go out too much and don’t care about school. IS THAT TRUE? I work my ass off when it comes to my classes and then I just want to have a good time. So that’s why I spend my time stressing over my grades and that’s why I’m actually in high school, right? That’s why I actually try in my classes and study my ass off ALL NIGHT when finals come around? Oh, but when Anthony barely passes his freshman year w/ four F’s, you don’t say shit? I know what I need to do to make something of myself, that’s why I actually stay in school. Something you fucking dropped out of because you got a girl pregnant at 16. Yea, and you didn’t even go to college. You had a shitty ass job for how many years now? Then you get laid off and have to work w/ uncle Peter. If he never hired you, you wouldn’t be making the LITTLE money you do for us right now. It probably wouldn’t even make a fucking difference. Stop tryna blame me for shit that you fucked up. Stop tryna pretend you know what the fuck you’re doing or what’s right, because YOU’RE WRONG. You never even raised me anyways. Get the fuck out of my life already; I liked it so much better when you and mom were split up.

This one is especially for you

To let you get away is crazy
So I’m doing what it takes
To make you pledge your love to me
You see, cos I’m tryna be your lady
For ever & ever baby
The picture wouldn’t be the same
If you weren’t standing next to me
Can’t you see I’m fallin?

Fallin,
Head over heels
I’ve fallen
In love w/ you
I’ve fallen
& I can’t get up
Don’t wanna get up
Because of love

Worse

It’s impossible to recall how many times you crossed my mind today; I wish you knew. But then again, you might not care. Hopefully you’re just oblivious and not seeing and ignoring my pain. I’ll believe that you’re blind not because I think that makes more sense, but because it hurts less. School sucked ass today. Ugh, this is so overwhelming! Why me =/? Well, on a better note.. at lunch, I actually ate! I was starving. I had hot cheetos and cream cheese =), mmm. +I split a sandwich w/ Matchoo. We talked and solved things. He somewhat finally agreed that it was wrong and selfish of him to ask me not to talk to ___, and said it was fine if I wanted to. He understands how much he means to me. But it’s a little late for that, because I can’t imagine the day when things will be normal between me and him again. I could only hope and pray and lie to myself until it happens, if it happens. Do you see what I mean when I say I suck at switching topics? Or maybe it’s just.. akjshbgfisuhgiusg. English was lame, as usual. The new girl is HELLLLA tall. We had a quiz on parts of speech and I missed one. French was the same, except we had a quiz today on numbers. Got them all right +the extra credit queston! Yaaay. Math was gay as fuck w/o Sandy. I didn’t do my Bio hw that was due today. Bye bye A+ =( I was late to History today and Mr. Berry gave me the most disappointing look ever! I felt tewwwwible. We read another chapter from ‘The Giver,’ reviewed notes, then played a game of telephone. The outcome was pretty funny! After school was great. I walked to the library w/ Thaidan and Noelito to meet up w/ Francis and Kenny. We went to 7-11 first, to buy snacks and drinks. When we got to the library, we ran into Jen! It was so random and unexpected. But it was good seeing her =). Five seconds later (seriously), Francis and Kenny arrived on their bikes. We played more Taboo and talked/caught up. We killed like 2hrs? Then, Thaidan left, so Noelito and Kenny walked to Noelito’s house and Francis stayed w/ me. He helped me w/ my French hw! I finished, then my dad came and I went home to eat spam and rice w/ soysauce<3. I have to finish the rest of my hw now, so gootbaaiiiii.

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It seems like every day is never good for me anymore. I never have anything important to say. Not one major event is reason enough for a real smile. My mood is whack/down/shitty more than half the time.. and when I do feel happy, it doesn’t last. I think it’s my attitude. I need to stop being such a pessimist nowadays. I know that I don’t even have it that bad; other peoples’ lives are much worse. Hellooo, sunshine!

So last night, I went to bed around 3AM. I was talking to someone and trying to cheer him up! I woke up at 5 and tried to go back to sleep, but couldn’t, so I just took a shower and killed time. Today’s English, French and Math classes were gay. Bio was sooo boring.. I felt like I was going to explode! We sat for days listening to Mrs. Carr and then the remaining time was wasted passing back papers. Lunch was stupid too. History was horrible at first, but got better halfway through. I cried for the first fifteen minutes of class and I don’t think the guy next to me was able to hear the audio of the guy reading chapter 7 of ‘The Giver’ through my sniffles. Sorry. I hate arguments, especially w/ boys. Ugh, they are so unreasonable! After school, I walked to the library by myself. It was extremely hot. I hate the heat because it makes me feel gross (all sweaty/sticky/icky/nasty!) I finished my French homework, talked w/ Max, wrote a letter for Jacboob, hung out w/ Hao, and Matt also came to visit. I ate cup noodles and split a chocolate muffin w/ Hao =). I’m beyond exhausted right now and I think I’m going to nap! ZzZzZZzZzzzzzZZzzZzzZz, bai!